Hello loyal followers! I'd like for you to meet my new friend, Box. We met on the set of Logans Run (a lovely film by the way), and we immediately hit it off. Okay, so he might've tried to freeze me with his gun hand, but water under the bridge, right? I know you'll just love him, he's just the nicest guy...So I brought him in for all of you to meet him!
Box, say hi to all my followers!
BOX! We went over this! This is NOT how we greet our friends. Put.The.Gun.Down. We don't kill our friends! What do you mean why not? Box, your scaring away all my followers, now be nice! Why don't you show them your collection? I'm sure they'll like that! Oh God! No! I meant your stamp collection, not your frozen person collection! Are you alway this creepy?
Uhh...Sorry guys, I guess he's having a bad day. Now there's several things I don't understand about our friend Box here. First of all, what person thought that a giant, oddly shaped, toaster-like robot who has an arm that freezes people was a good idea? What purpose could that ever serve?? I can really say that he is the most innecessary "actor" in the world.
So I was trapsing about the internet the other day, and I found this retro futuristic gem. The moment I saw it in google images, I knew that this would lead to a (hopefully) fantastic blog post. Many questions arise when I see this photo, mainly being-
A) Why is the TV still so tiny even thought it's the future?
B) Why do the windows look into a pool? Wouldn't that make for a sort of dark space? and...
C) What in the God's name is that woman so shocked about?
I have a theory about C: I think that she's shocked/and or dissapointed that her sons wearing scuba glasses to a pool. I'd be too, that kid has to have a screw or too loose. It's either that, or she's seriously shocked at what's happening in that baseball game they're showing on TV. I highly doubt that second one seeing that she's facing the opposite direction of the television, and that's the pictures too small for her to tell whats happening.
Next up in the lineup of retro futuristic madness is the Fridgidaire and "Land of Tomorrow" kitchen of the future. This first clip really made me laugh, because of it's sheer stupidity.
Apparently, the kitchen of the future requires modern dance, and a talent in quick changing. I also love the greenish, droopy, and depressing picture of how the cake is going to turn out. If that is how my cake was turning out I'd be pretty bummed out. Another thing that concerns me about the Frigidaire kitchen of the future is how long that cake took to cook! I mean, if she had time to play tennis, eighteen holes of golf, and get back to the house and change back into that strange house dress of heres, that would've taken at least three and a half hours! Some technology that kitchen has....
As for the "Tomorrow land house of the future" (that's a mouthful) kitchen, there's so much to say. First off, why is the dishwasher
a) on the counter,
b) why do you store all your plates in their constantly, and
c) WHY DO YOU HAVE ALL THOSE WHITE PITCHERS IN THERE!!! I mean how many could you need, you only have one child, and you don't run a hotel or anything like that, so why all the pitchers?
Secondly, why do you need a refrigerator for irradiated food? Why would you even bother to keep irradiated food when you have two other refrigerat.... I mean "cold zones" with perfectly fresh food? How did the food get irradiated in the first place!? So many frustrating things about this kitchen, not even mentioning the butt ugly kitchen. I would definitely hate having all plastic everything, not only is it tacky, but also quite ugly! But I guess it matches the rest of the kitchen... I wouldn't cook in that kitchen if they payed me to do it. Well... maybe I would, depending on the price, I suppose.
Here's my last piece of Crazy Retro Futurism, a fantastic depiction of driving home IN THE FUTURE!
They always manage to make everything in the future look so exciting! Even just driving your car home. I don't care if we're driving in a giant rocket like hover car, it's just driving home so relax! That means YOU little girl in the hover craft.
Well that's it for today, sorry for not posting in forever, hope you enjoyed the post!
My loyal followers, I'd like to introduce you to the world's absolute creepiest robotic servant, Ms. Katrina Van Televox!!
Now, when I look at this, there is one glaring question in my mind; Why in the world is she dressed up like a demented quaker lady? I mean, she even has a bonnet, for Christ's sake! First, you would only wear a bonnet if your married, and she is a Ms. Televox after-all, and second of all, wasn't the whole "wear a bonnet" thing over by 1930 (the year of the creation of Ms. Televox)?
While on the subject of Ms. Televox's civil status, it slightly unnerves me that she is single. Why you ask? Because If I start thinking of her looking for a Mr. Televox, (Which does actually exist by the way, along with a child televox) and then, If I'm thinking about that, I have to think about how she gives birth to the little child televoxes which is just plain old creepy, no?
I don't know if it's just me, but does Ms. Televox not look like she want's to slip something in your drink? I think it's that mischevious look in her unblinking eyes that seems to say "I hate you, humanoid, DIE" Yep, that Ms. Televox would be the first to turn on you when the robot revolution begins, and unlike the robots in "I, Robot", she wouldn't waste any time scaring us with curfews and threats. Nope, she'd just go straight for the kill. If I had her in my house, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.
So, I'd definitely never by her, especially at the wopping price of 22,000, which, in her day, would mean about ninety thousand dollars today. Would you buy Ms. Televox? Please comment with your opinions
Fifty-five years ago, "Popular Mechanics" wrote an article describing what a house in the year 2004 would be like. Now, what would a house of the future be without a ginormous bathroom sized "home computer" with a steering wheel on it? It's interesting to see how wrong the good people at RAND laboratories really were. I especially love that last line of the article "the computer will be easy to uses!" In what world does that computer look easy to use? First of all, I counted 62 dials on the main body of computer, for god knows what purpose! Second, why does the typewriter have all that giant paper hanging out of it? Is it a punch tape code or what? And third, and may I say the most baffleing, why is there a giant steering wheel on it?! I mean, it can't be used for a mouse, as it only goes in circles, and it definitely can't be just decoration so why is there an enormous wheel on the computer? Seeing what people from the past thought about the future really makes you think....How far off are we with our visions of the computer of the future? Here's a nice picture of a Macintosh computer prototype that they think will be able to built by 2013
yes, it gets even thinner!
I hope that fifty years from now, somebody will mock our computers and make a fantastic blog post about it.
Music videos are a great way to show creativity with music. Sadly, they are also a great replacement for drug tests. I mean it, who needs urine in a plastic cup when you can get a much clearer result just by watching a short movie. There are some shining examples of MMVWH (or making music videos when high) For example, take the eighties classic "Down under by men at work.
I don't think that this video requires any witty commentary on my part.
All right then, who's ready for some more sad cases of MMVWH?
Here's crazy music video number two, Ashes to Ashes, by David Bowie
I can just see Mr. Bowie planning this one out..... "So heres the plan, Im gonna be dressed like a really creepy clown with two men dressed like women in black mourning outfits, and my ex-wife dressed in a blue prom dress walking in some planet with a dump truck behind us! I tell you guys, this idea is infallable. Oh! I almost forgot, I want my grandma to walk with me in the last scene of the video." Can somebody say.... Heroine?
And for our next spectacle, behold, Keep Feeling Fascination, by the Human League!
I'd like to ask why. First, why is there a Giant Red dot painted on top of your house? Second, why are you wearing so much make up? Third, why did the kid in white switch to red when he stepped into the red circle? And how? Is he a quick changer or something? Oh, and just how high/ drunk were you all when you wrote this music video?
As horrible as these music videos are, the songs are fantastic. Just wanted to mention that so that The Human League, David Bowie, and the Men At Work don't hunt me down and kill me.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
They say they've found proof of life on Mars. Apparently, these days pixelized pictures of twisted up brownish space rocks are now considered to be concrete proof of life on another planet. The even sadder part is that people actually are stupid enough to believe this. What would said alien be doing just sitting there? Waiting for a taxi? I would also like to ask, if this is a real alien, why is it connected to the ground? But finding this does have a bright side. It reminds me of a song.
