What I've learned from 80s music

Not only is eighties pop extremely entertaining and infectiously catchy, but it's also quite educational! You most likely at this moment are thinking "Silly, silly Max! What possibly could you learn from that?" with a slight smile. Well, all you neigh-saying followers, I shall prove you wrong, with this intensely lovely list of what I've learned from this fantastic style of music.

1. Don't EVER release ninety-nine red balloons at the same time, lest you start a horrific global nuclear war.

2. Don't leave your home, or a crazed and angry Allison Moyet will come after you. I fancy your chances for escape are next to none.

3. Though its where-abouts are unknown, the look of love is the one thing in the world that "still holds true"

4. No matter what you do, you must continue to feel fascination.

5. Don't trust anybody who doesn't like Mondays.

6. When hosting a dinner party, never place a defunct radio star next to a video producer. This is bound to start a quite uncomfortable fight.

7. The absolute ONLY way to live is in cars. That, and in strange pyramid-like neon structures.

8. The history of the United States as told by a family who lives forever in a kitchen.

9. If you do not call Deborah Herry, she will yell at you. Even louder than she does in the song.

10. If you want to get things done, don't mess with Major Tom.

11. One can dance if he so desires, and may also abandon all his friends.

12. If somebody is obsessed with you, they will track you down like a wild butterfly. Yes, it is quite creepy.

13. Do not read your lady-friends diary, or you will die in her arms as retribution.

14. People only fall in love on Fridays.

15. If you really want to go out with a woman, you have to follow her along with your friends, clad in naught but denim overalls.

16. DO NOT turn around. Otherwise, the freshly arrived Komissar will have to have a little talk with you.

17. If you take away the tenderness from a man, he will go crazy and begin to yell maniacally.

18. Students like myself have the beat!

19. Nothing (and I mean nothing) will break the stride of those who travel to China via rowboat.

20. It is highly recommend that if you don't feel like facing depressing memories of a love lost, to stay away from both city streets and cafés.

21. Even if all you feel like doing is loving somebody, you should still eat and sleep. Otherwise, you will die, I'm afraid.

22. Do not take the long way home, as people will think your a depressed actor who believes he is a piece of furniture.

23. Despite other instructions, do not take your girlfriend by her heel, nor force her to do a full hand stand.

24. Contrary to former belief, you CAN turn Japanese.

25. Unfortunately, taking your shoes off and throwing them in the lake does not work as a form of teleportation.

26. Strangely enough, some people do want to be abused.

27. Being the owner of a lonely heart is actually quite better than being the owner of a broken heart.

28. Apparently, Richard Butler's ideal love life includes putting on new faces and placing armies on dance floors. To each his own I suppose.

29. Daryl Hall is quite out of touch.

30. If you ever stop believing, Randy Jackson will be quite angry, and quite possibly go after you with his bass.

31. More people than you might think walk like and Egyptian.

32. Don't mess with Jainie.

33. If you should fall, Cyndi Lauper will be sure to catch you.

34. Mike Score is actually quite fast, and also has an incredible endurance.

35. Asking someone if they really want to hurt you, makes them really want to hurt you.

36. Don't get to close to a scientist if you enjoy having sight.

37. Everybody except people from Brussels dislike those who live in Australia.

38. That comic book people can indeed come alive and show you a very good time.

39. Girls want nothing more than fun!

40. In order to dance, you must have red shoes.

This has hopefully shown you how much YOU can learn from great music.