Saturday, December 19, 2009

The Future computer of the past, or a Future So Bright You Need A Steering Wheel


Fifty-five years ago, "Popular Mechanics" wrote an article describing what a house in the year 2004 would be like. Now, what would a house of the future be without a ginormous bathroom sized "home computer" with a steering wheel on it? It's interesting to see how wrong the good people at RAND laboratories really were. I especially love that last line of the article "the computer will be easy to uses!" In what world does that computer look easy to use? First of all, I counted 62 dials on the main body of computer, for god knows what purpose! Second, why does the typewriter have all that giant paper hanging out of it? Is it a punch tape code or what? And third, and may I say the most baffleing, why is there a giant steering wheel on it?! I mean, it can't be used for a mouse, as it only goes in circles, and it definitely can't be just decoration so why is there an enormous wheel on the computer? Seeing what people from the past thought about the future really makes you think....How far off are we with our visions of the computer of the future? Here's a nice picture of a Macintosh computer prototype that they think will be able to built by 2013


yes, it gets even thinner!

I hope that fifty years from now, somebody will mock our computers and make a fantastic blog post about it.





Friday, December 18, 2009

How Strange...

**Note, the following may be considered creepy**


Music videos are a great way to show creativity with music. Sadly, they are also a great replacement for drug tests. I mean it, who needs urine in a plastic cup when you can get a much clearer result just by watching a short movie. There are some shining examples of MMVWH (or making music videos when high) For example, take the eighties classic "Down under by men at work.


I don't think that this video requires any witty commentary on my part.

All right then, who's ready for some more sad cases of MMVWH?

Here's crazy music video number two, Ashes to Ashes, by David Bowie



I can just see Mr. Bowie planning this one out..... "So heres the plan, Im gonna be dressed like a really creepy clown with two men dressed like women in black mourning outfits, and my ex-wife dressed in a blue prom dress walking in some planet with a dump truck behind us! I tell you guys, this idea is infallable. Oh! I almost forgot, I want my grandma to walk with me in the last scene of the video." Can somebody say.... Heroine?

And for our next spectacle, behold, Keep Feeling Fascination, by the Human League!

I'd like to ask why. First, why is there a Giant Red dot painted on top of your house? Second, why are you wearing so much make up? Third, why did the kid in white switch to red when he stepped into the red circle? And how? Is he a quick changer or something? Oh, and just how high/ drunk were you all when you wrote this music video?

As horrible as these music videos are, the songs are fantastic. Just wanted to mention that so that The Human League, David Bowie, and the Men At Work don't hunt me down and kill me.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

They say they've found proof of life on Mars. Apparently, these days pixelized pictures of twisted up brownish space rocks are now considered to be concrete proof of life on another planet. The even sadder part is that people actually are stupid enough to believe this. What would said alien be doing just sitting there? Waiting for a taxi? I would also like to ask, if this is a real alien, why is it connected to the ground? But finding this does have a bright side. It reminds me of a song.

This ones dedicated to you, alien lady;


You've just gotta love correlations with bad photos, and excellent music.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Security, or why?

Every once in a while in life, you will experience a "wha....? moment; a moment that will never cease to baffle you, a moment. You usually experince this feeling due to another's actions, or what somebody says. On this such occasion, it was due to someody's action. I shall call this somebody, Fernando. To understand this fully, I'd first have to tell you about the trip we took as a school to Washington. Every year, our school has a trip to Washington D.C. for all the eighth graders. We stay there for a weekend touring, and we need to have four room-mates. Originally, I had a full group of four friends, but that little by little broke apart, like my Best Friend couldn't come to the trip, the other one switched rooms, and I was left with just one good friend. Noticing that I on;y had two roomates, the school assigned me two other people, one of the people being the infamous Fernando. So I had a room, and the two seemed nice enough, so I didn't mine. A week later, when we went to D.C., we toured all day, and we were all so tired, and just wanted to get some sleep. At least, nearly all of us, Fernando had something else planned. So we come up to our room, and open the door, and one of us suggested we get some ice. We all went with said person to get ice, except Fernando, who said he was tired and would just go to bed. We came back some minutes later, and everything seemed like it was fine. That was until one of the teachers knocked on our door; I went to the door, and said hello, but he wasn't in a hello type of mood. He said "Your room specifically has been complained about two times, whatever your doing, cut it out!" he then proceeded to shut the door, and to leave me confused. I hadn't even been in the room, and even when I was out of it, I was nice and quiet, and quite respectful too, just like the rest of the group. And then it hit me; FERNANDO!!. I then asked Fernando what he was doing while we were gone. Than he started laughing like someone mad man fresh out of Bedlam. The second I heard that laugh, my stomach dropped, and I thought I might lose the McDonald's I ate that afternoon would be coming right back up. He said, while still laughing, "I called security on ourselves!". This, my friends, is where the "Wha.......?" moment comes in. All I could say was "Why?". His explanation didn't do much to convince me of his sanity; "I wanted to see if the front desk did anything! They never respond to complaints, you know!" I felt like saying, "Well obviously they do!" Instead I chose the nicer option and said "So you called two times?" He said "Yeah", as if calling securtiy on yourself was the perfectly sane thing to do. He then continued to say "They'd be more likely to do something if I called twice." Once again, "wha....?" I couldn't hold back this time and said "You wanted them to do something?" "Yeah! I wanted to show them to do what they should do!" I then decided my interview with the crazy was going nowhere, so I abandoned it, and decided he was a masochist in addition to being insane.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Not Fair!

Today was the penultimate day of school, and a disappointment. Well, to be fair, it was fun until the end of the day. You see, we were walking back to school from the park and I decided to walk across the street instead of around the street. It seems logical enough, no? So it seemed like nobody noticed, not that I was concerned with hiding it. But apparently somebody did notice it, and it just happened to be the vice principal. Apparently the vice principal is a real stickler on traffic safety rules. the second I came in to the school the voice speaker went on and said "Max, come to the office, Max come to the office." Oh god. I only just realized why I was being called. I had some 'splaining to do. When I came into the office, three teachers stood there, waiting to hear some serious sucking up and apologies. One of them said "Max, we take the safety of our students very seriously here. Do you know what you did?" I decided to be honest and said, Yeah, I was crossing the street." "Do you know what a serious breech of trust and safety this is?!" The conversation went on like that for about ten minutes. I played the whole good little boy act, and was all nice and good. But what I really wanted to say is how evil they really are, what horrible over-reacting devils they are. Oh, I felt like punching a hole into the wall and stuffing all the teachers in there, but instead I decided that when I'm rich and own a big company, I'll make sure they can't get any jobs. They deserve it!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The chase-a story concerning bikes, a school secretary, and a mistaken pursuer

It was 10:30 o'clock when I went out on my bike trip. It was a trip of great importance, a matter of life or death (Okay, so maybe it was more like good grade or okay grade, but life or death sounds so much more dramatic.) So, I set out at a breakneck speed, rushing through the quiet streets and picket fenced yards, and to my school. Unbenounced to me, a jogger who was in as much hurry as me was right behind me. To the common, not so intelligent eye it looked as if I was being pursued by the jogger. As I neared the school, so did the jogger, and at that very moment, a friendly school secretary was looking out the window. To her, this moment looked like a chase taken from a Stephen King novel, and she, most likely wanting to be the heroine of the story, ran to the door and buzzed me in. Now, when I came in, I thought she was merely being friendly, but I knew this wasn't the case when she said "Are you alright? Do you know who that man was? Do you want me to call the police?" I was confused. I said, forgetting my matters, "What are you talking about?" She said "You know, the man who was chasing you!" "Nobody was chasing me." feeling I needed to say more, I said "sorry" We stood there in awkward embarrassed silence until the secretary said "Well... then why are you here?" "I have to give a package to a teacher." "Go ahead then..." I think I crushed her dreams.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Da da da da da six sodas da da da da six sodas....

and Im the only drinker, ya!!

I got a six pack of sodas, and Im happy. Not much else to say except HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPEEE!!!!!! THANK GOD!!!!!! YESSSS!!!!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Sims 3 Anticipation

ITS ALMOST HERE!!! JUST ONE MORE WEEK!!!! OMG!!!

This is for you Will Wright (creator of the sims)

Hast Du etwas Zeit für mich

I am officially a true tri-lingual!! First Spanish, then English, and now (drum roll) GERMAN!!!!! Sure, its just the first line of Nena's hit 99 luft ballon, but that works!! I can use that for so much, for example here's a dialogue.

-sprechen ze deutsch?

-Has du etwas zit fur mich!

Then he would know I speak German. Like I said tri-lingual.

This is for you Nena, for teaching me German;

Where are the bathrooms?? A tale of Springfield, hasidic jews, urinals, and a dirty look

It all started on a field trip to New Salem (hometown of Lincoln). As we were getting out, unseen by us, so were a group of hasidic Jews. If you don't know what I'm talking about here is a picture;



One other thing you should know is that the whole place, New Salem that is, has actors all around pretending they live in that time. So we were all walkin' around the village talking to the actors and I go up to what I think is suppose to be a colonial woman and ask "Hey, you work here! So, I was wondering if you knew how to get the old woodworking shop and if there's a mens room around there. She looked at me all strange and said "Mens room?" I thought she was just sticking to her acting thing pretending she didn't know what mens rooms are so I decided I'd play along with her and said "You know, like sinks I think you call them? They have little moons on the door? She kept on staring at me and I said, starting to get a bit frustrated with her "act" and said "Toilets? Urinals? a sign with a blue man on it? And thats when I realized it there was a group of similarly dressed men and women, the men with these ginormo beards, and I realized she was no actor. I especially noticed a blond bearded man who I assume was the woman's husband giving me a look that said; I spend my days cutting wood and working, so I could take you anywhere anytime, kid."I just said "uhh... sorry," I said sorry the canadian way (suery) so that they would possibly take pity on someone who isn't from here. I don't think it worked. As we were boarding the bus to go home, I saw the hacidic jews one more time, and maybe it was just my imagination, but I think they were all glaring at me.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Embarassing Truth Of How I Nearly Died Today

I nearly died today, and it was all my dearest daddy's fault. You see, we were on our way to pick up some delicious Chinese food from Jade Dragon, the best restaurant here in Hinsdale, and me and my dad were listening to some music. As the car stereo blared out Al Stewart's 1988 hit, Time Passages


, my dad became so passionate of the saxophone playing in the background, that he started to air sax. Yes, my dad completely ignored the loud electric guitar, but played an imginary saxophone. One thing that you have to keep in mind is that my dad is the one who is driving this whole time. While he was air-saxing, he totally forgot about the wheel. We swerved nearly off the road, and my dad had to insanely grab the wheel and get ourselves back on the road. I had a little fantasy about how our acceptance into heaven (or hell?) would be.Add Video

Gabriel: I think we might have the file wrong... It says here you died because you were pretending to play a saxophone... while you were driving...

Me: It was my dads fault! He was the one who played the imaginary saxaphone!
Add Video
Dad: Blame your dad, real cool...

Gabriel: So this file is... correct?

Me: Yep, sounds about right.

Gabriel: That is officially the dumbest excuse for a car accident I have ever heard! Get back to earth.

I often have these little faux diolouges with myself.


Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Little Known Cat Stevens and Elton John Duet.

I just love how quirky this song is. To me it sounds like Elton is totally over-singing Cat.

Evil homeroom

I normally enjoy school, I really do, but I am officially terrified by morning homeroom. I find myself cringing when I am near the door. Why am I afraid? Because my homeroom teacher os a slave driver. When we should be allowed to catch up with our homework or read, she makes us hang pictures, move heavy metal file cabinets, file papers, and etc. The worst part, is that I'm targeted because I'm one of the taller people in my advisory. So I'm always the one who has to pick up the twenty pound recycled window that she puts above her desk. I don't think that she realizes that taller doesn't necessarily mean stronger. It always starts the same way. I'm reading my book and she comes and says "Oh, Max, can you give me a hand?" Let me give you the translation; "Max, if you don't help me hang up this picture, I will forever have a grudge on you, and every time you do something even slightly not obeying the rules, I will send you to your grave, and you will suffer constant detentions." This is why I can't say no. I guess I just wanted to complain to someone besides my parents, so yeah...

Maximillian Court


As my many loyal followers know, Gym class has never (ever) been my favorite subject. But I think the gym teachers may have found a way to bribe me into liking there class! You see, right now is our badminton unit, one of our few decent units. This unit, the teachers chose our partners, one of the popular people's least favorite thing. So my partner was one of the evil, King Richard-like, popular people, who just happened to rule at badminton. I suppose that he was so good, that I thought I had some significant badminton skills! That is, except for when my partner abandoned me. At first, I was like "Sure, I don't care if you go to another team, I rule at Badminton. I proved myself wrong. On that very day, I went from court two, just one away from being number one, to court twelve, which is the last court. Since then, I have never moved up from court twelve. My gym teacher has now christened the court after me, Maximillian Court. She even made a sign! I officially love Maximillian Court. I love anything with my name on it. Now every time that somebody comes onto Maximillian Court, I warmly welcome them with a "Welcome to my humble home." Good times...

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The Worlds Best Poem Ever

Okay, so heres this poem assignment that we have to do, and I found this beautiful poem written by someone who I won't mention.

There are rude people
crude people
people who are screwed people
There are chaotic people
idiotic people
people who are symbiothic people
There are old people
bold people
people who smell like mold people
But all the people
peopling this world
earth and everyone has his own unique worth.

Isn't that just the best! I didn't write this, I swear.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Paper Hats, buildings, and French

Alright, so today during French, we had the worlds weirdest activity ever. First, we had to make these really complicated paper hats. It was supposed to be a circle, but mine looked like a demented rectangle-like creature. Then we had to write stores down that are in our town (Hinsdale), like Einstein Bagels, The Hinsdale Public Library, etc, etc, etc. Afterwards, we had to arrange ourselves just like out town. I was the library, and a friend of mine, who's name shall not be named, was Grant Park. I was also standing next to the Post office, played by the Queen of the popular girls. We all had to go through the humiliation of wearing the hats with the store names on it, except for one very,very,very, (eternal verys) lucky girl who got to walk on the streets. The teacher asked her to name the places she passed, such as "Le Supermarche" or "Le Cafe". It was truly bizarre, especially when the teacher was yelling at us for getting out of our positions. Fun times, fun times....

Sunday, March 1, 2009

The Worlds Most Demented McDonalds.... EVER

I saw the worlds creepiest McDonalds ever! It was like depicting the apocalypse of Chicago. Let me give you some details. It has this ceiling, made to look like a river, with totally new buildings, made out of metal, while on the bottom, there are these two ginormous pictures, one of the Chicago Theatre with fish swimming around it, and coral growing on it, and the other one depicted the Art Institute, with one of our famous lion sculptures broken and with sea plants growing on it and fish swimming all around the building. And then on the ground there's this model of this sorta famous statue in Grant PArk, chipped, and with alien like lamps with strobe in them. Isn't that just demented? So let me get this straight McDonalds corporation, you want the McDonald's of the future as you call it, to be Chicago sinking under water, and all our landmarks being ruined. I think McDonalds is jealous of Chicago...

Yum.... dessert








This beautiful image is what the chocolate mouse I'm making today should look like. I photographed my process of making this delicious mouse to not only show you would a fantastic cook I am, but to possibly help you. Hope it'll help a bit....

Okay, so heres what we needed;
two tablespoons of butter cut into seven pieces, or in other words, Paula Dean's dream.

Next we needed six ounces of bittersweet chocolate (Yummy!)


I was so tempted to eat those! Anyway, after getting the chips we had to get three egg whites.

That is sooo hard to do! It took my dad to get the job done. I recommend you do it above a bowl. Next step is to get a pinch of salt.



Then you get three tablespoons of sugar. Sorry, no photo for this one, clumsy me forgot to take a photo of it. So, now you have all your prep done.
Now you have to melt the chocolate, to do this, you have to fill up a skillet with water and put the chocolate chips in a non melting bowl, like something made of glass, and put it in the skillet, bowl and all. Put the oven on low to medium heat until the chocolate chips are melted, like so.


Doesn't it look good and yummy? So next you take your egg whites, your salt, and sugar. First you mix the egg whites and the salt together until you see soft peaks. once you see the soft peaks, slowly poor in your sugar, until the soft peaks turn to stiff peaks. When completes, it should look like this;


It looks like a meringue mix! After you finish that, you have to beat three quarters of a cup of cream. No picture sadly, but it looks like whipped cream.

After this, you have to mix a fourth of the egg mixture into the chocolate and fold in.

This is it at the beginning. When your done, it should have NO streaks in it. When you're done, add the rest of the cream and the egg mixture, and fold it once more. Put it in a glass, and you are ready to enjoy, but I recommend putting it in the fridge for a while.

Heres the finished product.


Yummy!

Saturday, February 28, 2009

My mimobot and ME

OMG!!!! I am sooo in love with my flash drive. He's like my little friend. He always tells me what to do.... he tells me to do bad things. NO MIMOBOT!!! I WON'T DO IT!!! Please mimobot.... don't make me!!!

Teens have it hard

I am sick and tired of being discriminated against because of my age. It has gone on for much too long, and I will not stand for it. Why, just today, I was in Expo, because they had a thirty percent off sale, and I was sitting on a box, because quite frankly my legs were tired. Now, before I tell you what happened, I would like to inform you there was no sign saying "Don't sit on box" or anything of the sort. Okay, so now this really old man comes over to me and yells in the most insulting tone "Get off the boxes!". He gave me this really evil glare, so I decided to return it with an even worse stink eye. I also wanted to tell him something, but there is no way I have the moxy to do that. I did however (under my breath of course) called him a "fascist pig" and did tell him where he could go (hell) or as my science teacher says H-E- double hockey sticks. Here's another example of my age making people think differently of me. In this case, I was thought of as a shop lifter; no, not of lottery tickets, or cigarettes, but candles. Who in their right mind would shoplift a candle?! Well anywho, here's how it all played out. It was September of 2007, and I was with my friend Arie (no you can't know his last name) strolling the streets of downtown Hinsdale, and we stop by the Garden Gallery store. I know it sounds weird that two teenagers decide to go into a garden shop, but Arie insisted that they had the best organic chocolate. So we stepped inside, and Arie heads straight to the counter while I examine the merchandise. I stop by these scented candles, and smell them. They smelled disgusting. Before I continue with this story, you must know that I have a large green kiplinger bag I use for a backpack. I'll continue now. I picked up another candle and sniffed it, just as horrible as the last. I put it back and the woman behind the counter says "Did you just put that in your bag?" then she continued "I think you did". I replied "No, trust me, I don't steal candles. I decorate with them, but I don't steal them...." Then, me not being able to let something go, just had to add "Especially these foul smelling ones." My friend stared at me as if I had a third eye. Now that clerk was angry. She gave me this hateful glare and said "Give me your bag. I want to look in it." and I replied "Do you have a warrant? Are you a police officer? No, you are a store clerk and have no power over me. So, no you may not look at my bag." At this point, Arie was backing out of the store because of being uncomfortable, but when he heard my speech, it stopped him in his tracks. The clerk was about to go insane. She just said "Get out of my store." I answered "Happily." in a voice as sweet as vomit. I was never so proud of myself.

My Version Of Text Talk

LOL=Lots of Lettuce
TTYL= Thinking of thanking you, loonies
OMG= Ongoing Manic Gerbils 
 
I think I'm right...

New York; Most Miserable City (Not Chicago)

Chicago? Miserable? I think not! New York is the most miserable, not Chicago. Here's why I think New York is the most miserable.
  1. New York is obviously jealous of Chicago, since they stole Marshall fields, and a city with jealousy isn't a happy one!
  2. It has soooooo many homeless people, and I don't think they are at all happy.
  3. New York has too much polution, whereas Chicago is the cleanest city in the US.
  4. New York is known for its architecture, yet they insist on taking apart details to sell them.
  5. New York is incredibly crowded, there's no room to move!
  6. It has too much crime.
  7. It's way too dirty for my tastes.

The World Weeps Today...

Because my beloved Domino Magazine is closing. (blowing nose) I will never see their designer rooms,nor will I be able to receive there design tips to inspire me. Domino, this song's for you, because you really did raise me up... 

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up, so I can walk on stormy seas.
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up, to more than I can be.....

Oh, and Conde Naste (the company that canceled Domino) I want to let you know that you made a little innocent boy (well, I guess Im not that little) cry. A lot. I hope you get closed and all your idiotic executives can live in boxes. And FYI, I won't give you any change.



Friday, February 27, 2009

Creepy Age Differences and Soap Operas

Okay, so there's this horribly cheesy, and at times creepy as all hell soap opera. Its truly terrifying. For example, you will soon meet one of the main characters and his wife. Observe the age differences.Heres the man. Now, get ready for his lovie dove. This may creep you out.



Before you scroll down, I recommend you get a barf bag, pills, or if you'd like a stomach medicine.

She's a fifteen year old girl!! Stranger danger!! EEEEEEK!!!!! The old man is a perv!


My Brilliant Metaphor Music

Daily Gym

Have any of you ever heard of "The Logical Song" by Supertramp? Well, I'm feeling that my beautiful (and magical) life is being crushed and burned-and kicked. A lot. Today, we found out that our school would be receiving "the gift" (as my teacher said, I think its more of a curse) of daily gym, or as I like to say HELL. Now, I know all you ultra jocks reading this are probably scoffing at me, and thinking "What an idiot", but allow me to explain; see, you guys are school royalty, kings and queens, but we mere unpopular mortals, are usually less athletic than you. So for people like me, daily gym is torture. So to you popular royalty, I say "Shut up!". Here's what will happen to me if I submit to daily gym.

  1. I will melt like the wicked witch of the west in contact with water
  2. I would have so little energy for anything after period four, and thus my grades would suffer as well as my body.
  3. I would have one of the following; a cardiac arrest, frost bite (from being forced to go outside), or a brain tumor formed from pure boredom.

You know, gym for me has always been like Drama class. I never have to do anything, all I have to do is have the teachers think I'm participating. For example, during the basketball unit last year, all that "Oh yeah I'm open" crap was totally fake. That's one advantage of being unpopular, nobody ever lets you do anything in gym. I guess that's what popular people think is torture to us... well, your WRONG. We (or at least I) love it. I get to have a pleasant stroll along the gym, while everyone else is running and jumping, and sweating, and panting like a dog. I always feel so bad for them when they come walking into their next class with tomato red faces. But inside, I laugh at them.


P.S. If you didn't understand my brilliant metaphor at the beginning, check out my post with the Supertramp song right above this one.